Help me, please!

Dear Dwonna:

My girlfriend and I broke up about three weeks ago. We have been off and on (mostly on) for three years, and although she’s a perfectly nice girl, I just don’t see her in my long-term future. I’m only 23 and still have a year of college left, so I’m not ready to settle down. She is, though, and she desperately wants to be a wife and mother. We still talk a few times/week, and she came home with me for Thanksgiving and is planning to come home with me for Christmas. Is it wrong to stay so connected with her? Did I do the right thing when I broke up with her?

 Signed,

Bewildered & Confused

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Dear “Bewildered & Confused”:

You’re a 23-year-old male, and you are wise to recognize that you’re not yet ready to be a husband and father. I understand, too, your desire to stay connected with your now ex-girlfriend especially since you have been with her for three years. However, it is time to disconnect from her, and I would encourage you to do this cold turkey. Immediately. I imagine that she continues this “relationship” with you because she is hoping that you will change your mind, but it’s not really fair to lead her to believe that this is a possibility. I know that love sometimes makes us do irrational things, but the fact is that it is irrational to stay so connected with someone with whom you do not see a future. The purpose of dating is to ascertain whether someone is a match—not to see if you’ll look good in a tuxedo and she in a wedding dress—and since you’ve determined that your former girlfriend is not, please let her go. Believe in kismet, and perhaps in a few years when you’re older and wiser and more settled, you two will cross paths again. But, for now, it’s time to let her go so that she can find someone who is ready to settle down.

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