Dwonna Know What I Think?
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Dwonna Know What I Think? 
What is something I can do to stop comparing myself to others my age that already have things “figured out?”
Hi, thank you for letting me help you with this,
I think it would help to remind yourself that everyone is on their own path, including yourself. It is important as well to remember that what you see from others may not be the actual truth. I’m sure you know that lots of people use social media to present a more glamorous image of their lives, so ask yourself: how differently would these people behave if they couldn’t show off on social media?
Every person has their ups and downs and endured mistakes that have led them to the path of where they are. Your life is just as unique as anyone else’s so don’t spend time thinking of where others are, but about where you want to be. I struggled with this feeling for what felt like a long time in my college career because I needed to retake certain courses. This pushed me back a few semesters and I felt so stuck and frustrated with how everyone else around me was finishing and moving on with their lives.
What helped me to get out of that mindset was just reminding myself that I can handle only what I have in front of me and that I can do my absolute best, so I don’t repeat this pattern. It can be just a simple reminder that where you are at this moment is where you’re supposed to be, although it may not be where you originally wanted. You have plenty of time to get to wherever you want to be, so be kind to yourself.
How can I balance spending time with myself while giving time to the relationships in my life?
Hi there!
Maybe start with taking a day to do all the things you like or want to try. If your schedule is pretty full, you can try taking some time out like at the end of your day to wind down and do what makes you happy. It might be helpful to use the calendar feature in your phone to schedule your “must do” things so that you see where you have time for yourself. Most importantly, it is good to set boundaries within yourself and with the people in your life. This may be challenging at first, but being intentional with your time will be worthwhile. Just remember that sometimes finding balance means making choices that best serve you.
For myself, I began by giving myself around an hour every day to fully relax and not think about my responsibilities and the people around me. When it came to making plans with friends or family, I wanted one night or day out of the week that I didn’t have to be anywhere. I personally love being at home so it’s my happy place. In setting boundaries, I simply would just ask if we could move our plans to another day or another part of the day so I could still have that “me” time. This gave me the recharge time I needed while still being a part of the people in my circle. I hope you can find a schedule/practice that works for you.
I want to do things differently than how my parents did things when they were my age. How can I break away from the same patterns that I’ve seen all my life?
Hi!
I understand completely what it’s like to feel this way. I personally wasn’t as proactive as you in seeking advice, but I learned how to start thinking on my own once I began doing things by myself. This can be a lot easier said than done, especially if you are still living at home. Being in the same environment you want to change from can be a struggle in itself. Another practice to do and something I still do honestly, is self-reflecting on my behaviors and how I handle things. If you have a person in your life that handles things in a way you don’t like, take that as a lesson to treat the situation how you would want it to go.
For myself as an adult who is still living with my mother, I’ve had the opportunity to see her as a regular person, not just my mom. Although she has taught me so much intentionally, I’ve also learned how I want to do things as my own person from what she hasn’t directly taught me. There are certain behaviors that my mom will have that I don’t want to continue for myself and the rest of my family. One issue I noticed was not reaching out to family simply because they haven’t reached out themselves. This doesn’t excuse my relatives for not checking in, but making the attempt at keeping close and checking in can go a long way. For what felt like a long time, I picked up this pattern subconsciously by not feeling the need to get in touch with my distant family. This isn’t always an option, but talking with your siblings or close relatives is a great way to get perspective and see if you are the only one feeling this way. When I was experiencing this same feeling, I spoke with my sister about what I was thinking, and I remember her eyes getting wide with realization. This process isn’t something that can be changed quickly depending on what it is you want to change. It can take a good amount of time, especially if it’s something that was the standard for you. Keep telling yourself what it is you want to change, and your future will be the result of your hard efforts for the better.
Hope this can help you in some way!:)
How do you handle times when everything feels so overwhelming without burning out?
Hi there!
Thank you for reaching out, I hope I can help. Speaking for myself, there are times when I get overwhelmed with everything I have going on. With school, work, friends & family, and all the other things I overthink honestly. How you’re feeling is completely valid and understandable considering not just our own lives that are impacting us but where we live and what we see in our day to day.
Knowing what makes you feel overwhelmed is one step to getting to the bottom of it. Setting boundaries and establishing some self-care can help set yourself up for less chances of burn out. For myself, I tend to procrastinate, and this leads to me getting overwhelmed with my workload that I’ve let build up. What I’ve done to avoid this is write things down, get what I know I need done written somewhere so it’s no longer floating in my brain but on a piece of paper I can use and go back to. Also giving myself time to complete whatever it is I must complete is essential to keep the overwhelming to a minimum. This is where I set boundaries for myself by setting a day or time to do the work and getting it done so it’s out of the way. If I don’t keep this routine for my life, I repeat a cycle of doing all my work last minute, feeling completely overwhelmed, and then wanting to quit and not do anything.
I can only imagine this might be a similar process for you or others that procrastinate. That feeling of being overwhelmed comes from many other things aside from procrastinating, but creating a plan for yourself can help. Identifying what can trigger these feelings is the first step. Setting a boundary, or multiple, to keep a limit can be the next. I hope you have this for yourself but having people around you that you talk to when you do feel stressed is always helpful to let out all that’s on your mind. Talking to those who care can also help not just for an outlet, but in being a helping hand as well. And another thing I love to do is spending any time doing things that I want to do. Whatever form of self-care you prefer is important to help you relax and bring you back to a good place. In whatever it is you’re experiencing I wish the best for you and hope that what I’ve said can help.
How can I stay motivated when I feel isolated or overlooked?
I love this question because this can be such a common experience for so many but isn’t discussed in most spaces. I think that your feelings of being isolated, whether it’s in your work, school, both, or wherever are coming from the feeling of being overlooked. Not being recognized for what you do can be emotionally exhausting and I understand how you feel as a Black woman. In moments when I feel stuck in where I am, I try to remember what my purpose is in why I’m doing something. I hold onto what made me take this course or job because I am working for what I want for my future.
Another thing you can do that you’ve already started is reach out to other people. Finding people in your community is a way to not just express how you’re feeling but also connect with others that might share the same feelings. What is also important is giving yourself time to sit and relax. Although you’re feeling unmotivated, you need the time to get that motivation back, so it isn’t short-lived when you get back into your groove. Find what puts you at ease and things you enjoy doing to put yourself in a good place. You can also put time into other things that give you inspiration such as books, mentors, music, etc. Remind yourself of what it is you want and where you want to be because at the end of the day, you must live with yourself.
I’m a freshman who lives in the dorms, and I came to TXST right out of high school. My boyfriend decided to stay in our hometown and go to the local community college. I just found out that he cheated on me last weekend with someone from his biology class. We’ve been together for a year, and I thought we’d get married after I graduated from here. What should I do?
Signed,
Sad and Hurt and Lonely
Thank you for reaching out. I can tell this question is really personal, and I would love to help.
Trust me when I say I have been where you are. Right now, you probably feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, sad, and I can keep going. It may feel like the end, but I can promise you it is not. The first thing you need to remember is that you are not alone and that this is actually a blessing in disguise. You may feel that this guy was the one for you, but he showed his true colors while you were away. I don’t know you personally, but I do know that you deserve someone that wouldn’t do that and think they can get away with it.
Another thing is that you are still young. You have all the rest of your life to live and love and be in love with yourself. As much as it feels good to have someone to love, it feels just as good to love yourself and be happy with yourself all alone. Me personally, I love being alone as much as I love having a partner. And there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being by yourself and not always having a partner. The time to be with someone else will come, but don’t feel the need to find it so quickly. Take this time to heal and move on healthily. Focus on what makes you happy and what you want for yourself. This time in your life is when you can start branching out and doing all the things you may not have been able to before. You’re in a new city with new people and where you can gain new experiences every day. Take this as a lesson instead of as an event that will haunt you. And don’t fret about when the right one will come. You may experience this again if we want to be realistic lol, but I know that if it does, you’ll know how to handle it. You are stronger than you think and deserve much better than that guy.
I hope this was helpful for you and that some of this might stick with you in moments when you feel down. I wish you the best in your semester, stay strong😊
Hi Dwonna,
I’m in a class here at TXST, and there’s an older woman in there (maybe in her 60s?) who sometimes uses derogatory names to describe people—like the “f” word. I’m never sure how to respond because it makes me uncomfortable AND I want to be respectful to my elders, but I cringe every time she says it and wonder if I should say something.
Please help!
Hi there, thanks for reaching out😊.
I hear what you’re saying. I understand why this is an uncomfortable situation, especially considering the history that word carries and how it sounds like it has been used more than once. I think that if this is something that you prefer to handle with someone, definitely consult your professor and let them know what is going on. Having someone with you to spread a message can make a bigger impact with multiple voices. And not only can you help inform this woman on that what she is saying is morally incorrect, but for everyone to feel welcome, hate speech cannot be.
I would hope that the woman you mentioned is using this word out of ignorance not out of hate, and that she is simply just unaware of the impact of that word. It may be best to assume that there is no ill intent with how the woman uses that word, just to avoid the chances of her becoming offended and defensive. Don’t let the intimidation of the situation get the best of you. A sidebar conversation before or after class could be a good time to talk to her and ask what she means when using this word. If it comes down to her being completely unaware, then this could be a great learning experience in finding out not only the historical impact of how this word was used, but its societal effects on everyone around it. You can take something away from this as well by handling a tough and pretty awkward situation while giving someone else a new perspective.
There is the chance that all of what we would hope is wrong and that there is harmful intent with her words. At that point, I think the best way to go about it is to still let this woman be aware of how harmful this word is to the gay community. Try to get as much information out to her as you can before you may be shut down. If there is no understanding, then reporting her for hate speech is the next option. There shouldn’t be any room for hate speech, especially in an environment where people are meant to learn and feel accepted regardless of race, gender, or sexuality.
I wish I could help even more with a personal experience of my own, but this is a first for me. You seem to be very brave to reach out and ask for help in how to handle this, and I wish you the best of luck. You got this!
What are some ways I can deal with the pressure of being my family’s first college graduate?
Hi!
First, I want to say that I’m proud of you. Secondly, some ways you can deal with the pressure is to acknowledge the little wins that you have made thus far. You are doing a great job; I know it may sometimes seem like you are in this stagnant, overwhelming situation right now but just like a storm, it will pass. Take a moment and ground yourself. You got this and you have a village behind you to support. Don’t be afraid to reach out, sometimes you need to talk to someone to get whatever is off your chest. Take one day at a time and prioritize what is important. Breathe, trust yourself, and know that this is just a bump in the road.
This kind of pressure doesn’t happen to everyone, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen at all. There are lots of others that may be feeling how you feel, so remember that you aren’t alone. I’m a first-generation college student myself, so I understand how you’re feeling. You are so much stronger and more capable than you may think, so don’t let this pressure get to you. Before you know it, you’ll be walking across that stage with your cap and gown and thinking back on the moments you felt like this. Your family, your friends, loved ones, and most importantly you will be so proud of achieving this big milestone in your life.
I’m in my first year here at Texas State and I want to get as much of the “college experience” as I can. What are some things besides going to parties and tailgates that I can do?
Hey there😊,
It looks like you’re at a strong start with the parties and tailgates lol. The college experience can be whatever you want it to be as long as you’re having fun and being safe. Have you tried looking into the organizations and clubs here? Being a part of a club can offer more than you think. You’ll get the chance to not only meet new people and possibly make lifelong friends but also make good connections that can last even after you graduate. I’d start by looking into something that you have an interest in and see if there is a group out there that has that same interest. Another thing to look into is study abroad programs. I know this can cost money, but financial aid can be available, and scholarships can help especially if it connects to your major. Try to take advantage of all the small on-campus opportunities that sound intriguing to you because you never know what’ll come out of it.
Something else that can be fun is planning things with friends. It can be something small like movie dates or going out on the weekends every now and then. What I love to do when I get the chance is plan a road trip for a weekend and make the most of the time since it’s only for a few days. Again, your college experience can be anything you want. Don’t feel that there needs to be a list to check off.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and I just recently found out from a friend that she has a tinder account. I confronted her about it and she said that “she hasn’t even been on it that long so it’s not a big deal.” I feel disrespected but still want to try to make it work. What should I do?
Hey there, thanks for reaching out.
The first thing that would be best is to accept that your girlfriend is no longer committed to only you and it’s time to move on from the relationship. No matter the length of time, you should be considered when you feel disrespected. I apologize for this happening to you; I am sure this is not something you want to go through.
Although it seems like your feelings for her are still strong, I cannot say it looks the same for your girlfriend. You should be with someone that wants to be with you just as much as you want them. This person has checked out and began moving on whenever they decided to download tinder. You deserve much better and to not settle for someone that sees this as “not a big deal.” I have hope for you that you’ll not only come out of this better but find someone that will treat you better as well.
My roommate keeps bringing people over all the time, even when it’s really late. I really want to say something, but I really avoid confrontation and situations like this normally make me anxious. I’ll take any advice on this, thanks.
Hi!
I totally feel you in the anxiety that comes with confrontation and in sticking up for yourself. Even though it sucks to feel this way, this is something that you must face eventually, and it’s easier to just get out of your head and face what’s bothering you. This may come off strong, but this might be what you need to get out of not only this situation but one you’ll have in the future.
Something that can help get the ball rolling is to simply have a talk with them about what you want. I assume your place is shared between both of you so remember that you have a say in things. Start by asking if they can at least stop letting friends stay so late and being careful with how loud they are. Don’t feel that you are being a bother in this; you are standing your ground on what it is you want in the place you share. This can be intimidating, but it isn’t as scary as it seems. Think of this as a life lesson that you can learn from. Setting your boundaries with your roommate is best in the long run for things, so your space is being acknowledged, and you feel comfortable where you live. I believe in you, you got this!
I’m really introverted, but I want to make new friends here at school. I don’t really know where to start, and I don’t want to make it super awkward. Can you help me with what I can do?
Thanks for reaching out. As an introvert myself, it can be hectic trying to make friends in college. My advice for you is to go out! Join clubs, attend events, even join a sorority! Especially if it’s in your major or a hobby you would like to achieve or do. If you want to make connections, you need to take that step in putting yourself in those conversational situations. I know the thought of the conversations getting awkward can be nerve-racking, and that is completely fine. But that’s what’s going to happen in life. It doesn’t mean you are horrible; it just means the conversation is done or falling flat. One tip I do that has worked for me is to keep talking. Ask questions: what’s their favorite movie, do they like it here, etc. People LOVE to talk about their obsessions. Remember, to make friends, you have to get out of your comfort zone and speak up. Take that first step. Start now. Stop worrying and start doing. For flowers to grow, you have to plant the seed and water it for it to become a beautiful flower.
I’m completely stuck in a cycle of not getting over a guy who I’ve liked for so long, but he has never felt the same way. I know I need to move on, but I just can’t. What can I do to move on, I’m desperate!
Hey there, it really sucks to be in this situation, and I get where you’re coming from. I came out of a similar situation a while ago and what helped me was to keep busy. I kept myself occupied and distracted so I wouldn’t have time to think about the guy I was so hung up on. You can devote more time towards yourself and to doing the things you love to do. Think of this as a way to learn more about yourself and find what brings joy to you and your life.
Some of the things that helped me were that I got back into reading and spending time with my friends. I took myself on single dates that I normally would have asked him to go with me on. The most important thing to do is to give yourself time. As much as you may want to get over him overnight (I wish it were that easy), but it won’t. Stop looking at your phone waiting for a text from them, and don’t keep up with them online. Go by that motto, “out of sight out of mind.” This honestly worked for me and helped me move on. I hope this helps you a little bit since I’ve been in your shoes. Good luck, you can make it through.
I have a cousin who is always in a bad mood and negative about everything. I love them but at the same time I don’t want to be around someone who is always looking down on things. What can I do to address them about it? I have thought about distancing myself, but I love them and they are pretty close to me.
Hi there!
Thanks for letting us help with what you’ve got going on. It sort of sounds like you’re stuck in a situation you want to be let out of, but your closeness with them is keeping you in it.
I admire your patience with this person in your life because I understand what it’s like to be around someone that always has something to say. Distancing yourself from anything you have been around for a long time can be difficult, so this may not have to be your first choice yet. Assuming you haven’t yet but bringing up how you feel about them is always a good idea to be on the same page. Rather than letting them know how bothersome they are, you can let them know you’re coming from a place of concern and that you want them to see the bright side of things instead of the opposite.
I hope that you and your cousin can start to see eye to eye on things because it can be exhausting to be around someone that thinks this way. No matter the circumstances, if you want to keep this person in your life, put yourself first and distance if you must if it starts to become a hindrance in your life. Give them time and understand what they might say. Best of luck to you guys:)